Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
