so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
