Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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