Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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