i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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