i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
