ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
