I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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