he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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