Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
