Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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