I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
