Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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