I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize