This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
