my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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