this boner is exhausting
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
