It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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