oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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