His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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