She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
