I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Randomize
