even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
