please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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