You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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