i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
