I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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