Soap is not a condiment
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
