Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
