best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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