Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
