Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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