how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
