Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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