6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
