that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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