look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
