just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
