I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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