My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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