Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize