and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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