Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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