i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
