I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
