yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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