I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
