Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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