Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
