Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize