And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
