Got a toothbrush?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
