My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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