My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
