i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she pinky promised me she was 18
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
