Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
my liver is dry heaving
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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