i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
