Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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