How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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