Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
