funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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