i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
