the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
