So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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