Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
