yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
