At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
